when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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