I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize