dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
