hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
