Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
