Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
