Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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