I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Randomize
