I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
