nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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