I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
