I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
