I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
