I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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