why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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