Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
