Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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