she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
