If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
