Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
