I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
