he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
false alarm, still single
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