I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
