Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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