So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We had sex on a dog bed..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
