Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
