and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
