first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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