so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
