Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
