My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
