he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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