I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
