We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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