how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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