her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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