I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
