I wish I could punch you in the face.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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