I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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