I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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