she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
