im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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