You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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