We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
