his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Someone came in the potted fern
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
