My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
