Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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