everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize