I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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