Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
