go do what you do best...puke behind churches
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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