I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
