Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
