I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
