LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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