he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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