Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize