shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
