Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize