guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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