I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize