I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
