If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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