You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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