he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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