I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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