So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
